Names? Names? Names?

Because it is widely known in Internet Land that my readership is amongst the most brilliant, effervescent, educated, witty and charming in all the universe...

And because I am magnanimous to a fault, and wish to include you in my latest journey, embracing all as a mother hen would under her wings...


I've decided to let you in on the fun of NANOWRIMO!

I'm writing a chick lit novel and I need a name for the MALE ROMANTIC LEAD.  The female's name is Cora...but what should we call her soul mate???  First AND last name is highly encouraged.  Heck, throw in a middle name if you like.

Dig deep - concentrate - then let those juices flow.  Just don't get them on your keyboard, they are a bitch to clean.

Post your responses below.  If you submit the winning name, you will be the recipient of the most amazing prize, such as the universe has never seen!

ahem.

Go Away. But Come Back.

So my latest post has to do with a fire station, and since that ties nicely into the 2012 blog, I've posted it there.  So please visit:

http://katsonfire.blogspot.com

and learn not only what I did this weekend, but all about our next big blog adventure!!!

Fine, GEEZ, I'll Tell You.

I think I'm going to have to pop the cork on November a little early, because our November project requires a lot of upfront planning.  I'm already spending a couple hours a night on it, and it's only mid-October.

November is National Novel Writing Month.  Complete morons  Adventurous souls like me and my cousin Queenie sign up to write a fictional novel in 30 days.  That's 50,000 words, folks.  50 big ones.  5-0.

My original intent, back around June or so, was to take my RDJR blog book project and "do" it during November.  However, the rules state that the work must be FICTION, and the RDJR blog was a memoir...so it doesn't qualify.  And we ALWAYS FOLLOW THE RULES, do we not?

My novel is about a 40-something divorcee' blogger who enters the dating world.  I know - amazing.  Where does she get these ideas FROM, anyway?  It's so out there, I might be the next undiscovered sci fi writer.

Back to the question on the tip of your tongue - where's the RDJR book that you were so hot and heavy on back in May?  Well, it's still in my little pea brain, getting more and more locked down as each day passes.  You may recall that I met (briefly) with a publisher about the project last May.  He was very encouraging, even offered to read my manuscript when I had it done.  But his enthusiasm was tempered with realism...and I just hate realism, don't you?  Anyway, his point was (and I'm paraphrasing, but not by much because he only talked to me for like 10 minutes) when you write a memoir about a really painful part of your life, you handle it much better if you allow some time to pass between the "event" and the writing.  You would think it would be better to write it while it's fresh, right?  So much more bold and brilliant in your mind and all? Well, in some ways it might be.  But in other ways, it's much more raw and dark, like a constant series of lacerations...Mr. Publisher equated it to "running naked down the street."  I've made several false starts on RDJR, thinking that it's finally "time", and I can handle it...but when I go back to that place in my mind, it's much darker than I expected..anticipated...remembered.

Kind of like that scene in Titanic, when the old lady drops the Heart of the Ocean over the railing - only it's more like I just want to jump instead of drop my laptop.

Will I ever be in a place to write it?  Probably.  But not now.  Too raw, to fresh, too bloody.  I need some more scabbing, I guess.  And we'll always have  the the most awesome blog ever  that we can read whenever we want.

So anyhow, I'm busy developing characters for my 30-day novel.  Gawd help us all.

National Tina Day - you knew it was gonna happen.

In celebration of my birthday (which is certainly going to be a national holiday any time now), my friend Sheila writes a story for me.  I, in turn, write one for her as well...almost every year.  (awkward cough)

This is the 2011 story; an "article" for our local paper.  Enjoy!

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Today, President Barack Obama declared Sept. 23 National Tina Day, in honor of the legendary blogger who has made millions laugh with her frank and funny quips.

Tina accepted the award in a packed White House dining room, where fans such as the Dalai Lama, Pope Benedict XVI, French President Nicolas Sarkozy and Bono cheered her on. Bono, of course, performed afterward in her honor.

Said Tina: “I accept this award on behalf of all fun bloggers everywhere, who pour their heart, soul and mental instabilities into blogs across the world every day.”

President Obama described his personal connection to Tina’s blogs, saying they affected changes in his administration.

“I have learned better to appreciate the sacrifices of veterans, the plight of the working woman and the wonders of the career of Robert Downey, Jr.,” Obama said, with a glistening tear in the corner of his eye.

In a surprise move, Obama presented Tina with a solid gold keyboard, begging her to continue her work of inspiring the world.

“I was shocked and delighted,” Tina said of the gift. “I especially appreciate the diamond-encrusted spacebar.”

No figures were given for how much taxpayers footed for the cost of the keyboard, but Obama said he’s sure no one minds.

After Bono’s set, which immediately followed the presentation, he and Wood danced and twirled around the floor to the musical stylings of Lady Gaga, Rascal Flatts and others who were dying to meet Tina in person.

“I could’ve done without Gaga,” Tina was heard to say, “I felt awkward in her presence without my meat dress.”

Toward the end of the night, a surprise appearance by Robert Downey, Jr., surprised and delighted the crowd, which by then had consumed a few too many cocktails. More raucous dancing ensued, but Tina maintained her cool.

“I had to be level-headed enough to remember those treasured events,” she said. “You know – so I can write a blog about it in the morning. For instance – who knew the Pope likes to dangle from chandeliers?”

Maybe You Should Try Eating Oatmeal.

So, I'm sure I've mentioned this, but since January I've lost like 30 pounds.  I've shrunk, substantially.  Basically, I'm 2 sizes smaller than I used to be.

However, there's this little part of me that is completely convinced that tomorrow I'm going to wake up and be 30 pounds heavier.  That all these clothes I've tried on are just mislabelled, and I really still wear the size I used to.  I actually get scared to try on anything, for fear that it's all just some sort of really long dream and I won't be able to get that stuff zipped in the dressing room.

I wore my new FDNY sweatshirt today with a pair of straight cut jeans.  I caught a glance of myself in a mirror at my mom and dad's house and thought, "wow, I look really good in this!!"  I was genuinely surprised to see how, well, NARROW I looked.  The only mirror in my house is the tiny one over the bathroom sink.  I don't usually have that kind of view.

Anyhow, I went out and told my mom, "gee, look at how skinny this makes me look."  She gave me the once-over and said, "yes, you do look nice", in the sort of way you enter a room and comment on a beautiful Spring day, when it's sunny and 75, without a cloud in the sky, "gee, it sure is a lovely day out there!"  The person you just spoke to wants to respond, "Well, DUH, I can see that" but politeness forbids.   Anyhow, the fact that to my mom, my hotness was obvious got me to thinking - why isn't it so obvious to me?

I send HF pictures of myself frequently; probably 3 times a week. CLEAN pictures, usually right before I go out the door to work and my makeup still looks fresh, you pervert.  Get your mind out of the gutter.  Anyhow, he always responds with some variation of "Beautiful, as always."  (He's sweet like that.)  I usually write it off with a self-deprecating - "well, it was a good angle, good thing he can't see my ass" or "well, he's just being nice" or "well, he probably says that to everyone, like a Spokompton version of George Clooney".  Why can't I just take a compliment?

It hit me today as I was looking in that little, tiny bathroom mirror.  I can't see myself as attractive because I am at the same weight I was when my Ex first told me I was fat, and then proceeded to give me a list of things I could do to lose weight and therefore make myself more attractive for him.  This girl, this hottie bo bottie in the FNDY jacket with the beautiful blue eyes and killer rack, wasn't good enough for the one person who was supposed to love me unconditionally.  Side note - I had decided that day after "fatgate" to break off my engagement (which is one of 3 times I had come to that decision, but that's a whole other blog, babe), but then some traumatic stuff happened in my life and it just blew over.  The rest is history.  You know how it goes.

I wish I could tell you that this resulted in some sort of epiphany; that I've got a tidy little resolution for you, and that I'll never again suffer from self-esteem issues.  I really wish I could, but I can't.  It's still front and center in my mind.  I guess the talking points you may take away are 1) HF is well-mannered;  2) my Ex is a complete self-absorbed asshole, and 3) I'm not sure what size I'll be in the morning.

A Thin, Blurry Line

Oh.My.Dog.

You can't believe how busy things are for me.  Seriously.

The only other person in my department is on maternity leave until the end of the year.  So I'm the Lone Ranger.  My days are a blur, pretty much.  I think I'm handling it okay...at least until around 4:00 every day, when I get really, REALLY tired.  So if you need something from me, you need to get that request in before 3:45 or so.

This is my excuse for not blogging.  I'm just too dog-gone worn out.  Be merciful.

On another note, I'm off to Spokompton next weekend, during which time I'll be going to an open house.  This concerns next year's blog topic (ooohhh, she's so CRYPTIC) so I'm not sure if I should just start next year's blog a little early and make it my first post, or if I should just post it here.

And the fact that I made this topic, about which you care not one iota, into a blog post just goes to confirm my soggy mental condition.

Plus - November is coming.  I've had to do a good deal of planning for November.  November will either kill me or make me stronger, to quote the Great Kanye.  So hang in there and work on yourselves this month in my honor.

Where Ya Been?

Yeah,  I know.  I suck.  I've told you that a thousand times.  You act like it's a flippin' news flash or something.

I had a minor work-related meltdown on Friday night, which led to a love-life related meltdown Sunday night.  Finally today, late today, I started feeling a little better about my job and life in general - at least to the point where I don't want to repeatedly slam my hand in a door anymore.

My point is, sometimes you gotta take a break....so I did.

I've been pondering next year's blog, I think it's going to be a fun one.  Lots of pictures, that will be something new for me.  That's assuming, of course, that I survive November, which will be HELL ON EARTH month.

Want a hint?  Google "NANOWRIMO".  You may wish to empty your stomach first.  Every time I even think about it, I vomit a little.