Wednesday, April 27, 2011

I know what you are thinking....

You are thinking that I suck.  Well, I guess I have to agree with you. 

I started to watch a movie the other night, and about 3 minutes into it, my daughter Brandy walks through the door.  So, no movie.  It is still sitting in the DVD player, in fact.  Anyway, no movie means no review, means no post.

I'm sorry.  Insert sad face here.

My father - an avid blog reader of mine, of course - recently razzed me for my lack of postings.  My response was, basically - "Well, dad, my life doesn't suck as bad as it did last year."  And it doesn't.  I don't need the constant diversion of a blog to  take my mind off the fact that my life had self-destructed, and nobody who claimed to love me seemed to give a right righteous fig. 

This year - well - I'm single, for the most part.  Hopefully in the very near future, if a couple divorce attorneys can get their acts together, that will be just plain "single."  I have a cute little house that's really close to where I work, and not out in the middle of a former landfill.  (yes, really.)  My son can ride his bike around our neighborhood with his friends until dark.  I have my very own weedeater.  I'm really, really poor, but I can pay my rent and nobody will be showing up to repo my car or shut off my electricity any time soon.

Oh, - plus, I'm sorta dating this guy.  And dear Allah, if he reads this, I'll be totally embarrassed.   Anyhow, having not dated much in, oh, THIS CENTURY, I am in a constant state of "what-am-I-supposed-to-do-now".   Don't kid yourself, you can be all Miss Educated-Savvy-Witty from 8 to 5 in front of all your friends, but dating in your 40's plops you right back into the 8th grade again as soon as you leave your desk.

And...I'm having a blast.

So - all that being said - show some mercy on me.  Or live vicariously through me, depending on your situation.  And send a little cash.  That would come in handy. 

Saturday, April 16, 2011

1977 - Annie Hall

A summary, thanks to our friends at Netflix:  "Woody Allen's iconic romantic comedy won four Oscars, including Best Picture and Best Actress, for its portrayal of the relationship between neurotic writer Alvy Singer (Allen) and quirky aspiring singer Annie Hall (Diane Keaton).  Allen's snappy, pop culture-infused dialogue and Keaton's gender-bending fashion sense influenced comedy and style for many years to come.  Shelley Duvall, Carol Kane and Christopher Walken also star."

So, I was discussing the career of  Bruce Willis with somebody last night, and he told me that he really liked Bruce in "Moonlighting."  Moonlighting, you say?  Moonlighting?  I sucked all the oxygen out of the room, and then almost passed out, because I was positive that I, alone, remembered the 80's series "Moonlighting."  Frankly I'm not even sure Bruce Willis remembers Moonlighting.  For those of you, like Bruce,  who may not recall, "Moonlighting" was our man Bruce's first role, starring opposite Cybil Shepherd.  The writing was unlike anything else on TV at the time - witty, sharp, full of innuendo.  Get up for a potty break - well, you are screwed, because I guarantee you would have missed something.  Moonlighting was the reason I wanted to write.  When other teenagers were spending their evenings hanging out together, running around town, going to football games, and having sex- I was sitting in my room, re-writing scenes from last night's episode of  Moonlighting.  Boy, I bet they sure feel silly now for wasting all those valuable years, now don't they.

What, for the luvva Pete, does this have to do with Annie Hall?  Well, if I were 15 years older, Annie Hall would have been my Moonlighting.  Annie Hall makes me want to write.  Annie Hall makes actors want to act.  Annie Hall makes directors want to direct.  Annie Hall is just a flat-out fabulous movie.

I get it that you might not get it.  Since a good portion of mankind doesn't remember Moonlighting, it stands to reason that  a good portion of mankind might not appreciate Annie Hall.  But I say, definitely see it. 

And then go write something.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

2005 - Crash

Well, dearest reader, we are on a roll now.  Here's another review for your reading pleasure:

"Tensions erupt when the tangled lives of a Brentwood housewife, her district attorney husband, a Persian shopkeeper, two cops, a pair of carjackers and a Korean couple converge over a 36-hour period in the diverse metropolis of post-9/11 Los Angeles.  Sandra Bullock, Brendan Fraser, Don Cheadle, Matt Dillon, Thandie Newton and Terrence Howard co-star in this Oscar-winning Best Picture from writer-director Paul Haggis."

Okay, so when was the last time you thought you'd see the words "Matt Dillon" and Oscar winning Best Picture" in the same sentence?'

I loved this film.  I especially loved the first 15 minutes, when 2 black men are walking through a very white part of LA at night.  One of them is lamenting their racially discriminatory treatment at the restaurant they had just left, at the hands of their waitress, who also happened to be black.  As he wraps up his indignant "look at how scared all these white folk look at seeing us here in their neighborhood, they think we are gangbangers" speech - both men pull handguns and carjack Brendan Fraser and Sandra Bullock.  The entire interaction was priceless.

And Matt Dillon - who knew?  Not too much that happens on screen makes me hold my breath anymore, but I sure did in his car accident rescue scene.  Wowza.

This film was what the film "Short Cuts" wanted to be.  If you haven't seen that one, you'll want to look back on last year's blog..

See this one.  See it see it see it.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

1950 - All About Eve

Thanks to the miracle of movie streaming - we have a film today.  Here's the summary, according to Netflix:

"Writer-director Joseph L. Mankiewicz's sharp script anchors this story about New York City theater life, with Bette Davis playing an aging Broadway diva who employs a starstruck fan (Anne Baxter) as her assistant, only to learn the woman is a conniving upstart. The now-classic All About Eve won Oscars for Best Picture, Best Director (Mankiewicz), Best Screenplay and Best Supporting Actor (George Sanders)."

In my neverending quest to keep things bright and fresh for you, my loyal reader, I present the following:


1.  You don't have to be drop-dead gorgeous to be drop-dead sexy.

2.  Theater people smoke, a lot, all the time.

3.  If you are living in 1950 and are trying to look sexy while smoking, you french inhale.

4.  If someone hangs out outside your workplace every day, wearing a trenchcoat and goofy hat, just waiting to see you go in and come out of the building - do not let that person live with you. 

5.  RE:  #4 - in this day and age, you should probably just taze that person.

6.  If you live in New York, smoke a lot and work in the theater, someone will always be after your job.

7.  If you live in rural America and work in the insurance industry, nobody will ever be after your job.

8.  In 2011, viewed through a Botox viewfinder, a 42-year old Bette Davis looks 63.  Seriously.

 9.  If you look up 'cynicism' in the dictionary, you will see a picture of George Sanders.  Your gaydar will also be going off like crazy.

Thus endeth the life lessons.

This film is a definite see.

Friday, April 1, 2011

1999-American Beauty

It's Friday.  My son is at his dad's.  You know what that means, dearest reader.


Here's what Netflix has to say:

"While struggling to endure his perfection-obsessed wife (Annette Bening), an unfulfilling job and a sullen teenage daughter (Thora Birch), suburbanite Lester Burnham (Kevin Spacey) falls deep into a midlife crisis and becomes infatuated with one of his daughter's friends (Mena Suvari).  Director Sam Mendes dazzles with this arresting blend of social satire and domestic tragedy tha scooped up five Oscars, including acting honors for Spacey.

All I can say is, well, FINALLY.  FINALLY a good movie!  FINALLY!

How can you not love Annette Bening?  She is funny, funny, funny.  Annette plays "emotionally repressed control-freak real estate agent" to perfection.  I can say this because I am personally acquainted with no less than 8 people who fit this description to a T.  And Kevin Spacey?  Get outta town. 

At the risk of disappointing you on a level which you haven't experienced since Geraldo opened Capone's vault, I'm not going to go into detail on this one.  Why?  Because if you haven't seen it, YOU NEED TO!  And I want you to enjoy it, so I'm not going give away the ending.

On a personal note, I'm taking next week off.  It's spring break, and I really have no serious plans.  I'm doing some stuff in the yard, taking care of some divorce business, getting a new driver's license with my new (actually my old) name on it.  On Wednesday, I'm engaging in some career development, real Tony Robbins stuff.  You'll be impressed (or disappointed, depending on how it goes).  I guess you can say I'm taking a staycation.

But what am I looking forward to this month?  Oh, please do ask.  On Easter, I'm going down to my cousin Queenie's for the day.  A good time will be had by all and the witticisms will run rampant.