Saturday, November 26, 2011

It's a Wrap.

The time has come, my little chickens, to wrap up yet another blog.  Now, don't go getting all misty-eyed on me - because starting on Monday, we are firefighters in training at Kat's on Fire.  Don't forget to stop in and follow that one so you can be completely up-to-date on our latest zany adventure.

Since our theme for 2011 was "Self-Improvement," I thought I'd give you a list of things I've learned and/or improved upon.

I give you...Amazing Improvements and Lessons of 2011; Tina-Style

1.  Giving birth 4 times has not improved my abdominal muscles, nor my ability to develop them.

2.  It's not difficult to make changes to your life if you do a small one every few days, as opposed to trying to make a bunch of changes all at once.  It is, however, hard to remember the entire list after 5 days or so.

3.  I can, in fact, drink 100 oz of water in a single day and not die.

4.  You pee A LOT when you drink 100 oz of water in a single day.

5.  Zumba is for someone far more coordinated than me, but I do like the Zumba shoes for my trampoline.  Also, you can work up a good sweat just dancing around your living room like a spastic while the Zumba DVD plays.  Same basic premise.

6.  Crocheting sucks.  If you do it and enjoy it, bully for you.  But I think it does.

7.  My buddy Kludge makes really nice pens.

8.  Trying to write a 50k word novel in a month is impossible.  Seriously.  Anyone who says that they actually DID it is a big fat liar.

9.  Going Vegan over a period of 30 days is not as difficult as you might think, and it completely changed my metabolism and how I view food.  And dropping 30 pounds was nice, too.

10.  I've met 5 really nice guys, and about a dozen not so nice guys, via online dating.  If you are single, you have to try it.  It should be a rule or something, like you can't renew your driver's license or get your car tabs unless you can prove that you've tried online dating.

11.  If you talk smack to a NY Times best-selling author, she will write something really clever in your copy of her book when she signs it for you.

12.  I am twice the person I thought I was on January 1st. 

And there you have it.  It is my sincerest hope that you enjoyed this 11-month foray into my psyche.  Don't forget to follow Kat's on Fire -I promise you won't regret it.

See you around the block.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Details, As Promised

So, we all made it down to the Homeland for Thanksgiving, 4 kids of various ages, and TG.  Everyone returned home alive, breathing, safe and sound.  Afterward, TG and I sat on my couch, watched old episodes of The Muppet Show and ate Burger King.  This is why the guys can't stay away from me, because I am truly a party a minute.

I think my older kids liked TG; my youngest, The Boy, might be vacillating.  I'm very protective of my youngest; this is the first person I've dated that he's met.  Before TG, I don't think it had actually occurred to him that "dating" was actually something romantic, as opposed to, oh, like going grocery shopping or something.  At first, The Boy said TG was "cool", but now....

Scene:  The living room of the Siren Sex Goddess, Thanksgiving night

SSG:  So, tell me, Boy, now that we've all spent the day together - what did you think of TG?

THE BOY:  (chin dropped, brow raised) You were touching his leg.

SSG:  Well, yes, TG and I are friends and we like to be with each other.

THE BOY:  Well, I have LOTS of friends and I don't touch THEIR legs.

SSG:  Uhhh...........................

Yes, that's pretty much how it went down.  Epic fail on my part to come up with a reasonable explanation as to why Mommy touched a man's leg.  Your ideas are welcome here.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Where Ya'll From?

So...get this.

I've gone out with TG 3 times in the past 9 days.  He is attentive, sweet, caring, considerate, witty, wise and calls me all the time.  I keep waiting for him to pull an HF and disappear off the planet.  But, so far, so good.  I keep trying to scare him off, but he's tenacious.

He's alone on Thanksgiving this year.  My brood and I are heading to my parents, where my brother, his wife and my grandmother will all gather.  And seriously, that's my entire family.  I threw out the idea that TG could join us, mostly because I wanted an excuse to see him again, but figuring there's no freakin' way he'd go for it...I mean, really, who wants to meet the ENTIRE FAMILY of some girl you've only known for, like, 2 weeks, no matter how crazy you are about her?

Well.....guess who's coming to dinner.  TG is one cool drink of water, let me tell you.  Unflappable.

My dad's gonna LOVE his hair.

Details to follow on Friday.  I cannot flippin' believe this. 

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Taking Your Advice, HF.

I know what you want to know.  "How did it go, Tina?  How did it go?  What do you think of TG?  Details, details!!!"

Well, shame on you.  You SHOULD be asking me how my novel is coming along.  I'm supposed to be writing a novel this month, remember?

So, for the oh, 2 of you who might actually remember our project for the month, let me update you:  it's NOT coming along.  It's impossible. 

Now that we've dealt with November's project....TG is a good guy.  You know how you meet somebody and you can tell right away that they've had a colorful life?  And how that colorful life has formed that person into a genuinely compassionate, all-around caring person?  That's TG.

Remember how The Oldest Son was going to be out of the house for me that day?  Well, Tuesday morning, as I walked out the door, I distinctly remember this going down:  Mommy says," Oldest Son, don't forget my date is today, so try not to get home before 4 or so."  Oldest Son says, "Okay, Mommy."

Guess who's car was in the driveway at 1:45.  That would be Oldest Son.  So, yes, the 3 of us sat around for most of the afternoon.  How nice.  At one point Oldest Son did go to WalMart for an hour or so...I considered locking him out, but good manners prevented me.

Monday, November 14, 2011

The Oldest Son...Again.

So, This Guy (from now on to be known as "TG") and I are spending tomorrow afternoon together.  There's no school tomorrow, so The Boy and The Oldest Son are home all day.  As luck would have it, I'd already arranged for The Boy to hang around with this friend tomorrow afternoon.  That just leaves The Oldest Son.  Here's how it went down:

(Scene:  Living Room of the Siren Sex Goddess)

SSG:  So, Son, when you drop The Boy off at his friend's house tomorrow, make yourself scarce for a few hours.

SON:  Why?

SSG:  Because I have a lunch date, and we'll probably come back here afterwards.

SON:  (folding arms over chest) Who is he?

SSG:  Nobody you know.

SON:  (arching eyebrow)  why can't I be here?

SSG:  Because it would be nice to have some privacy so we can talk and get to know each other, without you sitting there STARING at us all the time.  Maybe you could use that time to, oh, FIND A JOB.

SON:  (arms still crossed) So, who is he?


SON:  So, why can't I be here?

SSG:  (stomping off into kitchen)  GAHHHH!

Yes, such is my life.

Thursday, November 10, 2011


I have decided that there's no flippin' possible way that a person can participate in NANOWRIMO and actually WORK at a full-time job as well.  It's not POSSIBLE.    There are not enough FREAKIN' HOURS IN THE FREAKIN' DAY.  It CANNOT BE DONE.

Who's insipid, moronic, idiotic idea was this to begin with?  A seed was planted. Who did it?  EV?  Did YOU do this to ME, your very favorite almost-but-not-actually-blood-related cousin? 

Are you sensing that I'm a little behind, dearest reader?  Well, Johnny, tell them what they've won.  Teener is behind, BIG TIME.  But making great progress on the blog we are starting December 1st!  All those shiny books - and make sure you jump over there and see the cute pic I took last night for it.

Back to NANOWRIMO - What's my word count, you ask?  None of your business.  What's YOUR word count, jackwagon?

You may recall - I warned you it would be a horrid month.  DON'T YOU JUDGE ME on my lack progress-I'm KILLING myself for you people, for cryz-ache.

Tomorrow's Veteran's Day here in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.  Since I'm a veteran, I get the day off, with pay.  And everyone else I work with does, too...coincidentally.  So I'm loading up the car and taking the boys off to see Baby Girl at college.  Woot woot.  Since we'll be so close to what will probably become our home base in a few months, we might do a little investigational touring of Spokompton as well.  Depends on the weather, as always. 

And I know what some of you are wondering, and the answer is no, there is no man involved.  As usual.