Day 18 - Chop It Up

He ate my cookie.

I bought it last week.  It was one of those prepackaged single cookie jobs.  Lemon Poppyseed.  Set me back $2.09 - and it was Vegan.  Completely, totally, 100% Vegan.

I put it in the bread drawer for safekeeping.  My plan was to eat it on the "give up eggs and try Vegan baked goods" day, and tell you all about it.  I would glance at it on occasion over the past few days and wonder about it...its taste...its texture...its cool label.  Certainly any food item with such a cool label must taste amazing.

Silly me, but it really didn't occur to me that I should tell The Boy about The Cookie.  I mean, really.  Lemon Poppyseed?  Trendy label that says "100% Vegan"?  Short of keeping it in a tampon box, how could it have been any LESS appealing to a 12-year old?  So I didn't mention it.  And I went to work.

I came home today to the usual flotsam and jetsam in the living room.  DVD cases, cast-off papers strewn about.  Pictures drawn on hand-sized squares for some card game he made up, ala Pokemon (only cooler Mom, geez!).  And there, amongst it all - a crumpled bit of cellophane with a trendy label.  A trail of yellow crumbs from the futon to the DVD pile.  And that's all that was left.

Sigh.

He's not home, so I can't ask him how it tasted.  I bought it at Hank's in Twisp, and sorry folks, that's a 60-mile round trip.  No cookie for Tina.

No cookie for Tina.

For consolation in my time of need, I turn to Sarah.

"Get online or go to your local cooking store, and buy a veggie chopper. As soon as you get one, cut an onion into 4 equal pieces, and then dice the pieces with your new chopper. See just how fast (and generally tear free) this chore has become!"
Sarah Taylor. Vegan in 30 Days: Get Healthy. Save the World. (Kindle Locations 396-397). Kindle Edition.

I've been good so far, right?  Willing? Compliant?  But on this one, I must say - "No, thank you."  I used to have one of these, got it at a Pampered Chef party.  I used it maybe 3 or 4 times....or should I say, "jammed it" 3 or 4 times.  Turns out, if you don't cut your onion into small enough pieces, it jams up those super little rotating blades and then you are stuck trying to pry impaled onion off the bottom of your food chopper.  While I am generally known for my patience and calm demeanor, such as the planet hasn't seen since Job sat around with his pottery shard, I just can't make myself take the time to cut up something into small pieces with a knife, and then get out another utensil that I'll have to wash, in order to make the pieces even smaller. 

I think we should pause here, as anyone who knows me personally just shot whatever beverage they were consuming through their nose at my "Job" comparison.  (I'm a huge fan of instant gratification and have zero patience.)  I'll give you a minute to wipe things down.

Anyhow, I sold said food chopper at a yard sale for approximately 1/30th of what I paid for it.  Therefore, I respectfully decline the invitation to buy a food chopper, and instead will be donning a mourning veil for my lost cookie.

Tomorrow is another day, Scarlett.