Thursday, July 28, 2011

Day 27 - Learn to say "No Thank You"

Okay, today's assignment is to learn to say "no thank you, I eat a vegan diet" when presented with non-vegan foods.  Sarah tells us that we need to practice this in our own home, so that the words will flow when the time is right and we won't come off as a self-righteous goober.

I usually cut-paste the appropriate quote from her book, but since it falls between 2 electronic "pages", it doesn't seem to be working correctly.  So you will either have to take my word for it, or take out your copy of Sarah's book, "Vegan in 30 Days", because I know by now you have all purchased it.

Sit in my house and talk to myself.  I do that pretty much 23 hours a day.  No sweat.

Scene:  The living room of the SBP.  Tina is relaxing in her recliner, casting a dreamy gaze about the room, reflecting over her day.  A cup of peppermint tea steams in her right hand.  There is a knock at the door.  In the way only a true siren can, she sashays over and opens it to find George Clooney.

Clooney (clutching his hands in front of him in a desperate attempt not to cry):  Tina, at last.

Tina:  George, darling.  So good of you to drop by.  Do come in.

Clooney enters the SBP and is immediately overcome with an ironic mixture of joy and dread.  However, being Clooney, he covers it with a smirk.

Clooney: Have you heard?  I've dumped my latest girlfriend.

Tina:  Why yes, George darling.  I think I saw that on Entertainment Tonight.  There was a little blurb after the 20-minute segment about my new book.  Really, it shouldn't have taken that long; but Mary Hart kept breaking down, poor thing, and sobbing with joy as she glanced through my novel.

Clooney, unable to contain himself any longer, falls to his knees.

Clooney:  For the love of god, Tina!  Please come away with me.  I want nothing more than to whisk you away to the great Baby Back Rib Cookoff in San Antonio, Texas.

A small, tragic smile clouds Tina's normally placid face.  She still manages to make it look ethereal.

Tina:  George, dearest.  I don't know how to tell you this.  Since we last spoke, I've adopted a vegan diet.  There's simply no way I can go with you to the Baby Back Rib Cookoff in San Antonio, Texas.  I want to set you free to the Universe, darling, in hopes that you will meet the carnivore of your dreams.  I, however, am not that girl.

Clooney's proud shoulders heave in his Armani suit and he grovels on the floor.

Clooney:  I'm too late yet again, aren't I.  (insert sob here.) Say it isn't so.  Give me some hope to which to cling...a fantasy that I may drop my soul into... that I won't grow to be a lonely, broken down old man without you!

Tina lifts Clooney from the floor and sets him back on his feet.  Straightening the Armani suit around his broad shoulders, she turns him to face the door.

Tina:  We are but dust in the wind, my darling.  Floating to and fro, cast about on the ocean of life with nary a boat, or even a floatation device to which to cling.  I have set my feet on the path of veganism, and I am yours no more.  Go in peace.  Perhaps we shall meet again, at the International Tofu Festival in Gary, Indiana.  Perhaps not.  But we will always have Paris, will we not?

Clooney, defeated, slowly walks to the door.  He turns for one last look at his angel.

Clooney:  Yes, Tina.  We will always have Paris. 

Dejected, Clooney goes out into the night.  Tina shuts the door, smiles her little smile as only a siren can, and heads to the kitchen to microwave her now-cold tea.


I think it will work.  I'm glad I took the time to do this, so when George stops by, I'll be prepared.


  1. This is just awesome, Tina! Poor George... Maybe he'll come back to you a devoted vegan. :)

  2. Clap Clap Clap!!! BRAVO!!!

    I'm gonna buy some tofu this weekend and try it... wish me luck!

  3. Tina,

    You'd be happy to know that San Antonio boasts two vegetarian/vegan restaurants - one is a vegan Tex-Mex place called Vegeria, the other is called Green Vegetarian Cuisine. You want vegetarian/vegan American comfort food? They have it. My personal favorite is the sesame chik'n with coconut cilantro rice and spicy kale salad. Yum.

  4. Tina,

    If you ever do come to San Antonio, you'll be delighted to find two very good vegetarian/vegan restaurants here. Green Vegetarian Cuisine boasts some truly excellent all-American comfort food (burgers, country fried "steak" and mashed potatoes, Philly cheese "steak"... the list goes on). Vegeria is a vegan Tex-Mex place that just started up a little over a year ago. They're still working out the kinks, but their vegan nachos are to die for.


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